Amtgard Rules of Play.

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Another Fine Mess
[04/10/2002] [The Isolated Knight]

Well, they did it, much to the shock and chagrin of the folks in Houston. No, I'm not talking about the Astros being sent to D.C., though Heaven help us all if they do. That's right, gang. The BLBOD has decided the Wetlands can't be a kingdom anymore. Oh, sure, they can still play the game and all that, but according to the BLBOD, there's no longer a Kingdom of the Wetlands. They used the authority they had as the owners of the game and did what they said they would do.

But gunboat diplomacy only seems to work when the other party is intimidated. The Wetlands were never intimidated because they couldn't spare a thought to the idea that the Burning Lands meant business. They found out the hard way that they weren't just jerking off and trying to look in charge.

Like I said last week, the rules are a mass of contradictions. They tell us we CAN adjust the corpora to our own local use, but right from the get-go we should realize that line is in error because the contract says we have to follow the corpora without addition or deletion. Seems to me that a lot of folks forget to read their contracts, and then they get fire ants in their thongs when the BLBOD tells them they can't do something.

Yes, yes, I know . (insert squeaky voice here) "IKBOD will answer all our problems." Tell that to the Scarecrow, Tin Guy, Lion and deranged cheerleader outside their door. Like Gidot, IKBOD is a great deal - ya don't quite know what it is or what it does, but it sure as hell will make your life better! IKBOD is now the battle cry for folks who want some serious change. Excuse me, but the Boards of Directors don't have any sort of power over the way the club functions, and a body made up of all the kingdoms sure as shit won't be able to fix a damn thing.

I hear guys hoot and holler about how this great unknowable will fix everything. Have any of you stopped to think about what an IKBOD might involve? It'll cost money, first of all. I know there's some kingdoms out there that won't be able to provide teleconferencing to their rep. "Never mind that," you say? "We'll do it in a chat room!" Have any of you people ever tried to have a meeting in a chat room? It's like playing poker with your brothers kids. Roberts Rules mean about as much as a sieve full of beer. It won't work. Hell, my fighting company tried to have one a few years ago, and all we could agree on was 1) it sucked ass and 2) we'd never do it again.

Or you might decide that folks have to be present at meetings. Ok, hotshot, who's gonna front the cash? Like I said, there's some kingdoms out there that barely make enough from each feast to cover the next one. How are they gonna fly a guy out to the middle of nowhere for a IKBOD meeting? When you do things like this, it creates a plutocracy, and there aren't many of us who can afford to be flying to El Paso or Denver or Amarillo to go to meetings.

Or you could make a "pay for play" requirement. Maybe 5 bucks a week. There goes the base of poor high school kids that make up a large portion of our populace. Ah, who needs 'em anyway? They have shitty attitudes and don't bother wearing garb. Wrong again. These are the kids that will grow up to be the knights and leaders of the game when the rest of us are memories. To cut them out would be cutting like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Like I said before, not every kingdom wants to be a part of an IKBOD. You can't force them to join and you sure as hell can't enforce your laws in those kingdoms without becoming just as big a group of assholes as you purport the Burning Lands to be. Some of you say IKBOD will be the savior of us all. That's a crock of self-promoting, propagandistic horse shit. IKBOD will be nothing more than a impotent group that bases its whims on the needs and wants of the Central Powers (IM, BL, DS, EH, CK, GP). You can't bring leadership to those who don't want to be led. You can't force your view of how the game should be played on others who don't really give a rat's ass about what you want. Some of us, believe it or not, want to simply play the game without idiots from other lands telling us how to do it.

Finally, not every land allows people in outlying lands (whether they live less than an hour away or not) to vote in elections or Althings. Did I hear a gasp? I said it right; not everyone gets to vote. How can an IKBOD pretend to be the voice of all Amtgard when all of Amtgard will not be represented? I'm not actually slamming those lands that run themselves that way. THAT is a topic for another rant. But of all the self-serving drivel I've heard, this takes the cake. You can't force these lands to change how they do things (believe me, I've tried), and it's unfair to try to. So why don't you get off your horses and see things as they really are? Not everyone gets a say in things, so don't try to make it seem like they will.

In closing, I want to tell you I don't 100% disagree with the Burning Lands, though I don't 100% agree either. The law is the law, as fucked as it is. The Wetlands had their Althing and the people decided. The BLBOD decided that it was unacceptable anyway. Sadly, that is their right. As long as it's "Amtgard, Kingdom of the Burning Lands Inc." on all the official documents, this game is whatever the hell they want.

I WOULD like to know why they didn't sign their mundane names to the document, since as far as I know, Grand Duke Sir Aramithris of Meadowlake is a fantasy character portrayed by J.W. Donnelly. I just wish I could get the vision out of my head. Aramithris, dressed as Stan Laurel, standing over some faceless, crying Wetlander who he just bitch-slapped, saying, "Now look what you've made me do."

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