AMTGARD'S OPINION CODEX • ALL OPINIONS, ALL THE TIME • MAY 20, 2018
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TEN THOUSAND LISTS
What is a Fruit Elf?
[01/05/2003] [Michael]

Actually the ten flurbiest things I have done would make an okay article, but I’ll mix in a few that other friends of mine have done. To be fair, I will only mix in those who would now consider themselves models of stickjockery. The point behind all of this is that. not only were we all flurbs once, but there lies behind all the hard fighting, hard drinking, shop-talking, event-going, trench monkeys in the world lies that same flurb who joined the game. So all of us, myself included, need to show some empathy as other make the same journey. With out further ado, here are the ten in order from least to greatest:

10. Decided to write 10 mini-articles for E-Sam in response to a challenge from Randall and Glenalth. This is not roleplay flurby, but it is definitely the act of someone whose grip on Amt-reality is tenuous at best.

9. During an Assassin game at Spring War III, we were drunk and wandering the site looking for my friend’s targets. I was already out of the game but I was helping him get his kills. After getting four or five kills down the line we game on a name that neither of us knew. I had an idea he was from one of the more distant provinces though, so we went to their camp to ask. When we got there his friends said he was in his tent but asked why we wanted to see him. My buddy said he was just looking to meet the guy. His friends were all excited. They woke him up because after all it isn’t every day that the guy gets my buddy (a knight) and Sir Michael wanting to meet him. I still feel a little dirty when I think about it but they woke him up and after we had both politely shook his hand, my buddy killed him and took his slip. Worse yet, my buddy lost the assassin game anyway. Okay, in that one we were more mean than flurby, but we were kinda flurby. I mean, we were playing the assassin game.

8. Sir Narsya was a good friend of mine and the third king of the Celestial Kingdom. The first game day in Tori Mar after his coronation, a player approached him. The player demanded that, as king, he needed to found a royal patent office because people were stealing his weapon designs and arrow designs. Narsya told the man he would give the idea all the consideration it merited. Of course, the swords looked okay but were hard as rocks and heavy as lead. In that one, the other guy was more flurby than us, but you get the idea.

7. Worse than just flurby is power-gamer flurby. I took a trip into that realm when I played Dread Knight. Of course, that was before Hasbro/WoTC/TSR got their undies in a bunch and it was called Death Knight. I never have liked monsters but I made time to get to 2nd level in the class just in case I wanted to play an Undead Badass with unlimited honor duels. I even made a shield with a faded and broken wood grain cover to look like it had been buried in a Death Knight’s tomb for a long time.

6. The same Sir Narsya burned out from being king and disappeared from the game but he did come back for a quest a few years later. He lived out Brennon's and Phocion’s fantasy and wore jeans and t-shirt while merrily kicking the crap out of newbies. To make it worse he kept asking everyone why some people were wearing those white belts. Actually, the only flurby part of this story is that Narsya quit Amtgard to play Vampire LARP. That’s serious flurbage.

5. When power gamer flurby meets roleplay flurby, the result is seldom pretty. We were questing and it was a long and dangerous quest. The Questmaster had worked hard to make a real challenge. The main challenge came in the Planes of the Dead where no spells third level and below would work and where we were assaulted by a massive load of zombies on a quick repop. There were several things we did there were power-gamer madness and, of course, the poor honest Questmaster was trying to get everyone to be flurby together. First, we sphered the Dagger of Infinite Penetration because we were sick of having to return it to the greater wraith that kept tossing it at us. Then the Death Knight caught our wizard in an honor duel and he started jogging. The Death Knight was a pretty good fighter but no runner. Our wizard kept the Death Knight out of the rest of the game by running. Finally, we decided that since Circle of Protection is a 6th level spell for healers, we would cast it and then cast all our lower level spells inside the circle. The Questmaster bought off on the idea that the inside of a Circle is another plane and thus not part of the Planes of the Dead.

4. Late one drinking night at Spring War IV (or Maybe V), we were drinking ourselves stuporous when we were approached by a random flurb. He said he was looking for Sir Michael Hammer of God. My friend Fnord spoke up right away saying, “I’m Michael Hammer of God”. The dude turned deathly serious and asked us in all earnestness, “If I have two personas, can I be in two fighting companies?” My buddy met seriousness with seriousness and using four times the number of words needed explained that he could, but not only that, he could also make eighty personas and become his own kingdom. That caused us to burst into uproarious laughter. My buddy then turned to me and asked, “Do you agree, Sir Fnord?” I could hardly contain myself but I agreed and we proceeded to ask everyone at the fire, merrily switching names willy-nilly. When we called Sir Ta’shi-iak, who played in the flurb's own park Squire Peregrine, he almost caught on, but not quite. It really was the drunks fooling the drunks. About three months later I saw the guy at an Emerald Hills event and he reminded me what fun we had drinking with Sir Michael.

3. This happened at a quest and it was another Power-flurb vs. Roleplay flurb moment. The Torches had a team, and I was reeving for them. We came to an encounter where there was a flurbily-dressed Wizard with a cool-looking sword. He told the team that it was a quadruple blade-sharped, enchanted blade that dispelled all enchantments right before it hit. Obviously no person could take a hit from the thing on shield, armor or person without dying. Brave Sir Arthon had other ideas though, because he lusted after that sword. He knew his skill with a stick was high and he could tell the NPC’s was not, so he began to fight. The poor NPC had been chosen for the role because it was an roleplay role and hadn’t really planned on fighting. They fought for five minutes or so with Arthon hitting the poor NPC ever few seconds and the NPC never landing a blow. I kept explaining that the wizard didn’t look hurt but rather that he looked better after each hit. Eventually the team threatened to move on and leave Arty there. He never did get that sword.

2. Once there was a quest in Bifost with a Norse theme. Heimdall the god, Played by Sir Imagg, stood on the one ford over their ravine as though it was the rainbow bridge and demanded that all who crossed show him proper deference. The first time we had to cross, we sucked-up like mad and walked by with our heads held low. The second time we pulled our tunics over our eyes proclaiming ourselves unworthy to gaze on his magnificence. The third time we crawled on our bellies like snakes in the dust with our hands out-stretched proclaiming Heimdall the greatest of the gods. That was too much even for his ego and he killed us.

1. I once rewrote all the spells in the healer class to be Necromancer spells. Resurrects became Reanimate Corpse, Heals became Knit Undead Flesh, Entangle became Crypt Freeze, etc. I did this just so I could play Leah Cim the Terrible, evil archenemy to Michael Hammer of God. I even played several games and one quest with it. That’s pretty damn flurby.

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