Most Lefties Suck
[07/10/2008] [Glen]This tragic statement is reinforced every time I travel to an event. I meet several Lefties who are, to put it very generously, mediocre fighters. Despite this deplorable fact, these fighters think they are highly skilled killing machines, and they have the kill tallies to back it up. I place the blame for this firmly on the shoulders of average right-handed fighters. Too many perfectly adequate Righties go completely to pieces just because the other guy has his sword on the wrong side. To remedy the epidemic of craptastic Lefties slaughtering mediocre Righties (and to hopefully bring about an overall increase in skill in the left-handed population) I offer these tips, from a Lefty’s perspective, on how to kill a craptastic left-hander as a mediocre Righty. Do not expect these suggestions to be very effective against Kerb or Zig, but feel free to make fun of them if they are. Most of these suggestions imply a Lefty shield man, but given how many florentiners only use their off hand to block, a lot of this carries over to florentine as well. First, for the love of all things good, learn to block with your right hand. Every Righty sword and boarder who blocks his right with his shield and every florentiner who crosses his body to block with his left hand is contributing to the problem by making themselves easy kills. The first and most basic Lefty shot is a straight forward slice at your right forearm. The wrap shot to your right hip is the second, and often last, shot a Lefty learns. They do not stop learning shots because they are stupid: they do not learn more shots because Righties are so stupid that these shots are all they need to kill them. When a Lefty throws that shot at your hip or sword arm, block it with your right-hand sword. Then immediately chop his arm off with the same sword you blocked with. If you are a florentiner, you may also discover that the Lefty dips his shield when he throws this shot: hit him in the shoulder with your left hand. If you are using a down spear and you’ve let a craptastic shield-bearing Lefty get this close: First, shame on you. Second, instead of blocking with your sword choke up on your down spear and reach across your body so it blocks your entire right side. This will render you virtually immune to half the Lefties in the game. They will continually hammer at your down spear, futilely trying to throw that wrap shot at your hip, and you can kill them at your leisure. The third shot a Lefty will pick up is the high cross, which he will usually only use against shield men. This is a slow and ungainly shot that not only exposes the arm and the entire sword side, but it is easy to block. Despite these drawbacks it is stupidly effective against Righties. I mainly think this is due to Righties being stupid. Instead of blocking the shot and cleaving the Lefty in the ribs, the Righty chooses to die. To block this shot the Righty shield man simply needs to either lean backwards, raise his shield, step back, or any combination of the three. Then he should hit the Lefty in his now exposed ribs. The fourth Lefty shot a Lefty will pick up is the slot. He will attempt to land a shot on your right shoulder, striking between your head and sword. This is very easily defeated simply by angling your sword towards your head a few degrees so that there is not a neat channel for his sword to slide down. Now slot shots will be pre-blocked by your sword. The Righty has now deprived the craptastic Lefty of all the tools in his arsenal. Now let us look at a few tips that the Righty can use to kill the Lefty. If you are a Righty using a down spear your easiest kill against a Lefty, especially a Lefty shield man, will be when he charges. Almost every craptastic Lefty is going to start out with his right leg forward and step forward with his left leg to close the distance. As soon as he does so his left hip will be open and vulnerable: stab him in it. If you are a Righty florentiner, learn to use your left hand for something other than blocking. This is the hand you will kill him with, over and over. The Lefty, being used to facing Righties, and seeing a sword in your right hand, is going to fixate on that as the bigger threat. The craptastic Lefty will fall for right-hand bait again and again. I suggest you throw a low, rising stab, with your right hand as bait and wrap a free shoulder when the Lefty uses his right hand shield or sword to block it. Hopefully this will serve as an introduction to killing Lefties, which will force the overall talent pool for Lefties to increase. Good luck and God speed.
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