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OBSCURE AND COWARDLY
A Time To Kill
[01/28/2004] [Arthon]

So, recently, I traveled to NeverWinter. There, I encountered yet another kingdom full of 40" long fun-noodle swords. This was not unexpected, seeing as how most of Amtgard is tending toward that direction. What did shock the good people of NeverWinter and cause them to grimace was when I advised them of my kingdom's new policy on sword making. Here in the CK (that's Celestial Kingdom for you heathens), in order to enforce safety standards, we have recently instituted a two-inch diameter minimum for all swords. That's right, dear reader, two inches.

Now I know that loyal fans of E-Sam are wont to complain about such things as PVC-cored weapons or hafts filled with cement, but just think about the damage that could be inflicted with a CK-legal, closed-cell-foam, 39-inch, pain stick. I've got one on order right now and can't wait to try it out. I will drive the flurbs before me and hear the lamentations of their women. No one who has a nerve ending in his body will be able to stand before me. Soon all will despair of taking the field because it hurts too much to try and compete with me. I will own the field. I shall stand alone on that mountaintop and know that I have conquered all.

Only problem is, I really will be the only one left playing - that and my other company brethren who will also be wielding similar pain sticks.

I really don't know why this sort of thing gets passed. Back in '98, we (my company and various friends of ours) felt that hurtful swords drove newbies away by making the learning curve too painful to bear. Attendance was dropping. Drakknar (Champion) and Rand (GM Reeves) made a ruling that the minimum diameter of swords would be 2.5". We figured that it would pad the weapons enough that they wouldn't leave a score of bruises on some poor neophyte and that maybe he'd come back and fight another day. Later, that ruling was ratified in an Althing. A year later, no one could find record of said Althing but we pretty much had a lock on Champion for the next six years so 2.5" was pretty much still the de facto ruling.

Recently though, the two inch ruling was pushed through at an Althing.

It's like taking a step back in time. The upside is that my closed-cell weapons are going to be a sight faster than any fun-noodle variant. The downside is, of course, that people will be maimed. Now, mind you, I am not against a little selective maiming every now and again, but if everyone has these monstrosities I will not be able to dictate unto the entire kingdom who to go easy on. The CK is already in the middle of an attendance crisis.

The only reason I can see for this new rule is to speed up our demise. But that's ok. That time is far in the future and I am looking forward to the administration of many beat-downs before we close the books here.

See ya'll at SpringWar.

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